So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
