Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
