what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
