Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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