i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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