shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
