he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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