the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
