went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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