If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Never joke about your clitoris.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
