Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
