So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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