i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
