Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
