So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry about my life...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
