What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
