he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
