By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
