I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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