Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
