I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
