Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
