see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
