That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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