I am in a vortex of obligation.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
