I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sorry my hands just texted you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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