she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
