glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hippo gnu deer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
