Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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