He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
