Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
