I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
me + whiskey = a bad person
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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