It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
