Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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