I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
