Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
