i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can you bring me the toilet please
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
