omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
