Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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