Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
