I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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