his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
