I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
