I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
