Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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