He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
