I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
