is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
