Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
