It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
