Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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