With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
