your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
