He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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