i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I die, sorry about rent.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
