he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
