I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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