I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
